


Say Something

by orphan_account



Category: Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Depressing, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, NOT ALLEGIANT, Reflection, Romance, Sad, Tattoos, fourtris - Freeform, i pretend that didnt happen, injured!tris, say something
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 20:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1111164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And I am feeling so small/It was over my head/I know nothing at all<br/>And I will stumble and fall/I'm still learning to love/Just starting to crawl</p><p> </p><p>Tris is lethally injured and Tobias is trying to make it through.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say Something

¨Where´s Tris?¨ Those were always the first words out of my mouth. The time away from our home had steadily become invaded with thoughts of her, and it was no longer a surprise to me. I was no longer afraid of them, either.

  
Usually the question was answered by Christina rolling her eyes playfully and Tris pushing through her friends and into my arms. It was a dance well-practiced, and it always began and ended the same.  
Until now.

  
Christina met my eyes and sent ice cold fear trickling down into my gut. Her eyes were red and her face was pale, almost they way she'd looked when she lost Will. My throat was constricting and she had yet to answer me. "Where is Tris?"

  
Finally she opened her mouth, voice trembling. "The hospital."

  
Tension replaced feeling inside me, curling my fingers together and clenching my jaw. The beat of my heart filled my ears and it was only after I blinked that I realized I was walking and my girlfriend's best friend was following me. Trash littered our path and the back of my mind registered that I knew some of those who were tiredly cleaning it up.

  
I knew what was happening to me, but I did not know how to stop it. I could feel myself shutting down, trying to keep my mind from racing. I could not ask, but I didn't need to. Christina's sharp voice drilled into my head, and I never dreamed I'd be thankful for it. "A band of factionless attacked, led by some rogue Erudites. I don't...we were in different places, scattered. Tris was with these kids, giving them tours or something. Uriah...he was the one who brought her to the hospital. She was sh-shot-"

  
I glanced at Christina when her voice became too thick to speak. We were close to the hospital, and my body was yearning for my girlfriend, but I knew that the former-Candor needed help. I'm not very comfortable with physical contact, but I didn't have the heart to push her away. Or the motor function. Christina pressed her face into my chest, a sob retching from her. "It's so bad, Tobias, oh god-"  
I awkwardly patted her shoulder, the words echoing in my head. Was she dead? Oh god, what if she was dead? "I need to see her," I choked out around the constriction in my throat, and Christina finally pulled away. She nodded, wiping her tears even though they continued to flow.

  
I was led to a waiting room with grey-ish walls and the echo of beeping surrounding it. Zeke and Uriah were resting on one of the upholstered seats and the former stood when we reached him. Though Zeke was my best friend, I was unprepared for the hug he threw at me. "Tris," was all I said.

  
"She's in surgery right now. I guess the bullet fragmented or something, and they need to get everything out. They don't know if she's gonna make it, considering how much blood she lost and where it hit her. The abdomen is a tricky place..." Zeke paused, and I wondered if the seriousness in his voice was hard for him. His eyes were always light and happy, and you could rely on him to cheer people up in serious situations. "I''m sorry, man."

  
I didn't like this room. Though it was large, I was beginning to feel claustrophobic as my hands shook. Tris could be dying. The girl I wasin love with could be leaving me so very soon. And I'd never even got a goodbye. I couldn't stand in this room anymore.

  
So I ran. I ran all the way to the pit, my heart thundering in my chest. I couldn't lose her. I need her. I need her so much it kills me.

  
When I stopped running, I was before the chasm. The water was no less rough than usual, and a bit of it was splashing on the sides. My vision began to swim before my eyes, Peter and Drew and Tris shimmering in front of me. I had beat Drew to a pulp that night, and I'd do it again if given the chance. I think I loved her then. I'm not sure, considering love was never defined much for me.

  
It was funny in a sick sort of way how easily 'I love you's could flow from my mouth to hers right now when I could barely say anything close to it before. I was afraid that she would reject me, that she would betray me like my parents did and it's not like I wasn't afraid now, because I was more than terrified. But an epiphany had occurred at the worst time, and I realized that I did love her and that she needed to hear that.  
But she might never hear that again. Regret is clogging my chest when all the times I could have shown her and told her and made her believe how much she meant to me have passed that I was too cowardly to engage in.

  
Tris is not dead. She can't be. She was so good and so pretty and so strong and I tainted her, but she didn't care. She loved me how I was, damage and all. There were little things she did to show me how she felt, like the way she ran her fingers up and down my chest late at night and how she unconsiously would hover in front of me with her back facing me when she thought I was going to get into a fight with someone. But no matter how hard I tried, I didn't do that to her. I can see the doubt in her eyes when she sees me looking at her while she's in front of the mirror and the way she hesitates before kissing me sometimes. I don't deserve her. 

But I'm too weak to let her go. 

I needed a distraction, something to get rid of the poisonous thoughts weighing down my chest. The best distraction I know besides Tris herself is pain. With a clear path in my head, my back is straight and my arms are tense at my sides as I walk with a purpose. 

* * *

Most of my back is one large tattoo, and I am no stranger to the parlor. Even though I haven't gotten one in a long while, since before Tris even arrived in Dauntless, I know most of the artists. The only one in there is someone I've never met, and it occurs to me that we were just attacked, so they shouldn't even be open at all. It's a young boy, well, younger than me. His long brown hair falls into his eyes and I'm a bit apprehensive about him giving me a tattoo. 

"Hey, Four, right?" He offers a hand, and I shake it out of politeness. Tris is beginning to creep into my thoughts. "I'm Gabe. What can I do you for?"

I hesitate, looking around the shop. I point to a bird, one my lips are familiar with. "I want that over my chest, with a name." 

He nods, glancing at the swallow. "Let's do it."

The needle does hurt, but I'm already well versed in the song of pain, so I don't do anything but lay back. I think of the first time I kissed Tris and when she became my girlfriend. I was nervous and clumsy, but so was she. I used to think of her as a bird, small and quick. I still think of her as a bird, but now I know she only looks tiny and she is so much more when she spreads her wings. I've made a lot of mistakes, and I fumble my words with Tris often, but I can't help it and that frustrates me. I want to be the man she deserves.

* * *

When I get back to the waiting room, my nerves have numbed. This is where I find out if I have lost everything left that matters. 

Christina rises when she sees me, her eyes tired. She too has been worn thin. "Thank you, Christina."

"For what?" She looks at me and I pity her for a moment. She has lost a lot too. 

"Being here," I say simply, not totally sure what I mean. Like I said, words aren't my forte. "Any...news?"

Christina shakes her head and we sit. I can't focus with the beeping and the sterile smell, but it isn't long before a doctor makes his way to us. I shoot up, my heart pounding again. "Are you the one with power of attorney?"

"I'm the boyfriend." 

"Alright. Your girlfriend is going to be okay. We managed to retrieve all of the fragments. Miss Prior is extremely lucky that the bullet failed to do any severe, long-lasting damage. She'll be in the hospital for a week at the very least. Any questions?"

Relief shoots through me as I register what he's saying; that my amazing Tris has survived. "When can I see her?" My voice is hurried, a need to see for myself that she's okay bubbling. 

"She's stabalizing as we speak. A nurse will come get you when you can come in," The doctor is old, his white hair combed back. He smiles at me and excuses himself. 

I'm not one for physical contact, but this time when Christina hugs me I hug her back.  _Tris is alive._

"Four! She's gonna be okay!" Christina is squealing, and I couldn't wipe the smile off my face if I tried. 

When the nurse finally comes, I practically mow her down on our way to Tris' room. She leaves me there, alone with Tris. My girlfriend looks tiny and broken against the pale sheets. She has tubes and wires hooked up to her and my heart hurts. Even though she's alive she's hurting and I would take the pain if I could. My steps seem like gunshots in the still room and I gently hold her hand, thumb stroking her soft skin. I lean over her, pressing my lips to her forehead and I'm unable to remove them for a moment. 

I feel a thousand years old, all the tension and grief and raw emotion I've felt in the past six hours drains me, and I pull a hard chair over. Careful of the tubes and wires, I lay my head on her, remembering how it felt when I saw kissed her in public for the first time or the first time she introduced me as her boyfriend. When I feel something light brush over my hair, my heart jumps and I look up to see her squinting down at me. My smile is laced with emotion that I can't quite put into words, but I feel stupid when my lips wobble somewhat. "Tris," I breathe. 

"You're home," she croaks, making my chest twinge. 

"I always come back to you," I say softly, lacing my fingers through hers and kissing them. "I love you, Tris."

Her eyes widen somewhat, and I hate that she's surprised. I silently vow to say it often. "I love you too, Tobias."

The way her lips form my name makes me smile a tiny little grin. She tries to sit up, but I stop her. "You need to rest. You were...shot." Her free hand hovers over her abdomen, and I rise from my chair to lean over her again. "I almost lost you." I don't mean to convey desperation when I kiss her, but I feel weak again, because she's alive and she's here and she's mine to hold and I can't take that for granted. 

"I'll always come back to you," she echoes, and I don't say anything, just kiss her again. When I pull away her eyes widen, and I stop, panic that I've hurt her someway shooting through me. "What happened?"

Confused, I look down to where her eyes are pointed and realize that she can see the bandage covering my new tattoo through the neckwhole in my shirt. I feel a blush color my cheeks as I pull further away, aware of her eyes staring intently at me. For someone who'd just gotten shot, you'd think she'd be a bit more subdued. I pull my shirt over my torso, holding it limply in my hands. I hear her gasp as I pull the bandage away gently, staring at her lap. "Tobias," her voice is thick with emotion and I panic again. 

"I'm sorry. I just...I love you and I wanted to show you and I-" She interrupts my babbling with a soft "Come here."

Her fingers trace the lines of her name and then the swallow taking flight above it on my left breast, making me shudder. "I love it," she pauses, looking me in the eyes, "I love you."

I smile, holding her hand to my chest. I know I'm not the best boyfriend and I've got to be hard to love, but she does and that's all that really matters right now. 

**Author's Note:**

> I'm sorry this isn't very good. I'm having some bad anxiety and I tried to do the best I can. Anyways, let me know if you enjoyed.


End file.
